Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Straight Wedding

This "Cake in White Satin" with its ...Image via WikipediaLast night my wife and I went to a wedding. We have known the bride and her family for what seems like forever. We have known the groom for only a few years but have really enjoyed getting to know him. They are a great couple and we felt honored to be invited to their wedding.


There are still those thoughts about what tone the ceremony will have. How much will be about "marriage being the joining of one man and one woman." Also, just the fact that they can get married and we can't is always leaves a bitter taste.

The ceremony began. The bride and groom were clearly happy that their day had finally arrived. While nervous, knowing all eyes were on them, what showed through it all was their love for each other. Then about ten minutes into the ceremony it happened. The officiant dives into the idea that "marriage is between one man and one woman." Now let me make this clear. This was not designed to be a stance, nor was it meant to be the official definition of marriage for the couple. This was just the officiant's standard language.

I really do believe this.

The thing is, it doesn't change the gut reaction when you hear it. My wife leaned forward and lowered her head, shaking it side to side. I just rubbed her back and then held her hand. I knew that depending on where this went it could lead to my wife's exit of the ceremony, with me right behind. Luckily, the moment passed. We made it through the ceremony and to the open bar.

The reception provides a whole new set of circumstances. Mostly, how out as a couple we would be. Do we just fast dance with the group or do we slow dance? Several people in attendance were at our ceremony and know us very well. Another large portion we know in a more professional setting. While most of these people either know we are a couple or have assumed, they really haven't seen us interact as one. Then about half of them we don't know at all.

Here's the thing. The bride and groom know us as a couple. They invited us to the wedding. Therefore, I am going to assume they wouldn't expect us to not be a couple at their wedding.

One of the events at a reception is the dance that starts with all married couple being called to the floor. Then as the song continues the DJ asks for couples that have been married for less that X years to leave the floor. In the end, the couple married the longest are the only ones still dancing. The DJ called for all married couples to go to the floor. An individual we were sitting with looked at us and said, "Uh, that means you." When I looked he continued, "You're married to me...get out there." His father happened to have performed our ceremony and he was in the bridal party this evening. Good enough for us.

That was the first of many dances. We danced, we sang favorite parts of songs to each other, we kissed. At one point the groom came over while we were dancing hugged us and tried to walk away. I grabbed him and we all danced together.

During one of the early dances I remember asking my wife, who had a better view, "Is anyone staring?" Her response, "Not at all."

Wow. Normal. The only lesbian or gay couple in the crowd and how did we feel.


Whatever that means.

This was a young couple with a fairly young crowd. I say the future is bright.

Cheers to the happy couple!
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  1. Bravo, Kathy, bravo!!! As the person who performed your ceremony, i am proud is was Nicholas who encouraged you to get up and dance. i'm proud of him and proud of you. i too believe the future is bright. We are not finished yet, but we are moving in the right direction. i had a realization the other day. people talk of 2012 being the end of the world. they always talk of death and destruction, natural disasters visited upon mankind. why are we not waking to what is happening?? yes, 2012 will be the end of the world. it will be the time when a world filled with fear, intolerance, hatred, and violence dies, to be replaced by a new era, an era in which we realize our great potential as creators and assume our true position as agents of love. blessings to you and stephanie and josh. let's go forth in peace.

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