My Interviews on the Inaugural Speech

President Obama delivers his address at the 57th Presidential Inauguration, January 21, 2013 (Photo credit: Photo Phiend)

Yesterday was the 2013 Inauguration of President Obama for his second term in office. I was asked by two local news affiliates to give my thoughts on President Obama's Inaugural speech and what it meant for LGBT Americans. I am always surprised when I am just going about my business and my cell phone rings and a reporter either wants to do a TV interview or asks for a quote. I feel very comfortable speaking so it's not that. It's just still a surprise that I am a someone in the community given the opportunity to share my thoughts.

The first clip is from NBC affiliate KPNK Channel 12 News in Phoenix. I was lucky to have my partner and son join me in this one.





The second is from KTVK Channel 3 in Phoenix

President Barack Obama 2013 Inauguration Speech

2013 Presidential Inauguration Day - Preparation - Capitol Building (Photo credit: Glyn Lowe Photoworks)

Today President Barack Obama gave what will be known as a historic speech as far as LGBT Americans are concerned. It was the first time the word gay was used in an inaugural speech and it was used to speak about the need for equality. I was happy that my daughter was there in D.C. to hear her President speak so positively about her family. It was an amazing speech that drew on the fact that it was given on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and made comparison to the civil rights struggles, women's rights and rights for gay Americans. It will be exciting to see how this sets up the State of the Union address and this coming session of Congress. While I believe the President will not do the work for us, he may be willing to be a more active advocate for us. But, I do believe that this President likes to see the American people involved in the process. He wants to see us use our voices and do everything we can to be heard and help to move our elected officials to take action. We must continue to lead this fight. However, the President is clearly in our corner.

Watch the President's speech. Full transcript follows the video

The remarks of President Obama, as released by The White House and prepared for delivery: 

Vice President Biden, Mr. Chief Justice, Members of the United States Congress, distinguished guests, and fellow citizens: 

Each time we gather to inaugurate a president, we bear witness to the enduring strength of our Constitution. We affirm the promise of our democracy. We recall that what binds this nation together is not the colors of our skin or the tenets of our faith or the origins of our names. What makes us exceptional — what makes us American — is our allegiance to an idea, articulated in a declaration made more than two centuries ago: 

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness." 

Today we continue a never-ending journey, to bridge the meaning of those words with the realities of our time. For history tells us that while these truths may be self-evident, they have never been self-executing; that while freedom is a gift from God, it must be secured by His people here on Earth. The patriots of 1776 did not fight to replace the tyranny of a king with the privileges of a few or the rule of a mob. They gave to us a Republic, a government of, and by, and for the people, entrusting each generation to keep safe our founding creed. 

For more than two hundred years, we have. 

Through blood drawn by lash and blood drawn by sword, we learned that no union founded on the principles of liberty and equality could survive half-slave and half-free. We made ourselves anew, and vowed to move forward together. 

Together, we determined that a modern economy requires railroads and highways to speed travel and commerce; schools and colleges to train our workers. 

Together, we discovered that a free market only thrives when there are rules to ensure competition and fair play. 

Together, we resolved that a great nation must care for the vulnerable, and protect its people from life's worst hazards and misfortune. 

Through it all, we have never relinquished our skepticism of central authority, nor have we succumbed to the fiction that all society's ills can be cured through government alone. Our celebration of initiative and enterprise; our insistence on hard work and personal responsibility, are constants in our character. 

But we have always understood that when times change, so must we; that fidelity to our founding principles requires new responses to new challenges; that preserving our individual freedoms ultimately requires collective action. For the American people can no more meet the demands of today's world by acting alone than American soldiers could have met the forces of fascism or communism with muskets and militias. No single person can train all the math and science teachers we'll need to equip our children for the future, or build the roads and networks and research labs that will bring new jobs and businesses to our shores. Now, more than ever, we must do these things together, as one nation, and one people. 

This generation of Americans has been tested by crises that steeled our resolve and proved our resilience. A decade of war is now ending. An economic recovery has begun. America's possibilities are limitless, for we possess all the qualities that this world without boundaries demands: youth and drive; diversity and openness; an endless capacity for risk and a gift for reinvention. My fellow Americans, we are made for this moment, and we will seize it — so long as we seize it together. 

For we, the people, understand that our country cannot succeed when a shrinking few do very well and a growing many barely make it. We believe that America's prosperity must rest upon the broad shoulders of a rising middle class. We know that America thrives when every person can find independence and pride in their work; when the wages of honest labor liberate families from the brink of hardship. We are true to our creed when a little girl born into the bleakest poverty knows that she has the same chance to succeed as anybody else, because she is an American, she is free, and she is equal, not just in the eyes of God but also in our own. 

We understand that outworn programs are inadequate to the needs of our time. We must harness new ideas and technology to remake our government, revamp our tax code, reform our schools, and empower our citizens with the skills they need to work harder, learn more, and reach higher. But while the means will change, our purpose endures: a nation that rewards the effort and determination of every single American. That is what this moment requires. That is what will give real meaning to our creed. 

We, the people, still believe that every citizen deserves a basic measure of security and dignity. We must make the hard choices to reduce the cost of health care and the size of our deficit. But we reject the belief that America must choose between caring for the generation that built this country and investing in the generation that will build its future. For we remember the lessons of our past, when twilight years were spent in poverty, and parents of a child with a disability had nowhere to turn. We do not believe that in this country, freedom is reserved for the lucky, or happiness for the few. We recognize that no matter how responsibly we live our lives, any one of us, at any time, may face a job loss, or a sudden illness, or a home swept away in a terrible storm. The commitments we make to each other — through Medicare, and Medicaid, and Social Security — these things do not sap our initiative; they strengthen us. They do not make us a nation of takers; they free us to take the risks that make this country great.

We, the people, still believe that our obligations as Americans are not just to ourselves, but to all posterity. We will respond to the threat of climate change, knowing that the failure to do so would betray our children and future generations. Some may still deny the overwhelming judgment of science, but none can avoid the devastating impact of raging fires, and crippling drought, and more powerful storms. The path towards sustainable energy sources will be long and sometimes difficult. But America cannot resist this transition; we must lead it. We cannot cede to other nations the technology that will power new jobs and new industries — we must claim its promise. That is how we will maintain our economic vitality and our national treasure — our forests and waterways; our croplands and snowcapped peaks. That is how we will preserve our planet, commanded to our care by God. That's what will lend meaning to the creed our fathers once declared. 

We, the people, still believe that enduring security and lasting peace do not require perpetual war. Our brave men and women in uniform, tempered by the flames of battle, are unmatched in skill and courage. Our citizens, seared by the memory of those we have lost, know too well the price that is paid for liberty. The knowledge of their sacrifice will keep us forever vigilant against those who would do us harm. But we are also heirs to those who won the peace and not just the war, who turned sworn enemies into the surest of friends, and we must carry those lessons into this time as well. 

We will defend our people and uphold our values through strength of arms and rule of law. We will show the courage to try and resolve our differences with other nations peacefully — not because we are naïve about the dangers we face, but because engagement can more durably lift suspicion and fear. America will remain the anchor of strong alliances in every corner of the globe; and we will renew those institutions that extend our capacity to manage crisis abroad, for no one has a greater stake in a peaceful world than its most powerful nation. We will support democracy from Asia to Africa; from the Americas to the Middle East, because our interests and our conscience compel us to act on behalf of those who long for freedom. And we must be a source of hope to the poor, the sick, the marginalized, the victims of prejudice — not out of mere charity, but because peace in our time requires the constant advance of those principles that our common creed describes: tolerance and opportunity; human dignity and justice. 

We, the people, declare today that the most evident of truths — that all of us are created equal — is the star that guides us still; just as it guided our forebears through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall; just as it guided all those men and women, sung and unsung, who left footprints along this great Mall, to hear a preacher say that we cannot walk alone; to hear a King proclaim that our individual freedom is inextricably bound to the freedom of every soul on Earth. 

It is now our generation's task to carry on what those pioneers began. For our journey is not complete until our wives, our mothers, and daughters can earn a living equal to their efforts. Our journey is not complete until our gay brothers and sisters are treated like anyone else under the law — for if we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well. Our journey is not complete until no citizen is forced to wait for hours to exercise the right to vote. Our journey is not complete until we find a better way to welcome the striving, hopeful immigrants who still see America as a land of opportunity; until bright young students and engineers are enlisted in our workforce rather than expelled from our country. Our journey is not complete until all our children, from the streets of Detroit to the hills of Appalachia to the quiet lanes of Newtown, know that they are cared for, and cherished, and always safe from harm. 

That is our generation's task — to make these words, these rights, these values — of Life, and Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness — real for every American. Being true to our founding documents does not require us to agree on every contour of life; it does not mean we will all define liberty in exactly the same way, or follow the same precise path to happiness. Progress does not compel us to settle centuries-long debates about the role of government for all time — but it does require us to act in our time. 

For now decisions are upon us, and we cannot afford delay. We cannot mistake absolutism for principle, or substitute spectacle for politics, or treat name-calling as reasoned debate. We must act, knowing that our work will be imperfect. We must act, knowing that today's victories will be only partial, and that it will be up to those who stand here in four years, and forty years, and four hundred years hence to advance the timeless spirit once conferred to us in a spare Philadelphia hall. 

My fellow Americans, the oath I have sworn before you today, like the one recited by others who serve in this Capitol, was an oath to God and country, not party or faction — and we must faithfully execute that pledge during the duration of our service. But the words I spoke today are not so different from the oath that is taken each time a soldier signs up for duty, or an immigrant realizes her dream. My oath is not so different from the pledge we all make to the flag that waves above and that fills our hearts with pride. 

They are the words of citizens, and they represent our greatest hope. 

You and I, as citizens, have the power to set this country's course. 

You and I, as citizens, have the obligation to shape the debates of our time — not only with the votes we cast, but with the voices we lift in defense of our most ancient values and enduring ideals. 

Let each of us now embrace, with solemn duty and awesome joy, what is our lasting birthright. With common effort and common purpose, with passion and dedication, let us answer the call of history, and carry into an uncertain future that precious light of freedom. 

Thank you, God Bless you, and may He forever bless these United States of America.

When Are You Going to Run for Office

I have been volunteering with the Human Rights Campaign for 10 years. Over the years one of the most popular questions I am asked is, "When are you going to run for office?" My response is always the same, "I would love to do that some day." The ball has been in motion. I have gained a lot of knowledge and experience over the last decade. I have met some amazing mentors that have had a huge impact on me.

A friend of mine told me that the Victory Fund would be hosting their candidate training in Phoenix in February. This was my chance to move the ball a little further down the field. I have seen how the Victory Fund has been instrumental in helping open LGBT candidates win election across the country. One key race they played in this past election cycle was in Arizona's Congressional District 9. They were able to help get Kyrsten Sinema elected and become the first open bisexual in Congress.

I have decided to attend the training. I'm very excited with the opportunity to learn how I can be successful as an LGBT candidate and make a bigger impact in my community. They Victory Fund is running a contest that I am participating in to have my expenses paid for the training. I would love your support. Just click here and vote for me. Feel free to let others know that I'm in the contest and be part of my team in making this happen.

I appreciate the encouragement my readers have given me over the years. Your support means a lot to me. While the answer to when I am going to run for office is still unanswered, after this training I hope the answer will change. I hope I will be able to say, "Soon."

Working with the White House

Kathy Young and Assistant Secretary Kathy Greenlee
from the US Department of Health and Human Services

It was an honor recently for me to plan and event with the White House office of engagement. After sending an email asking if they would bring one of their LGBT conferences to Arizona and told they were all scheduled for the year but they would be willing to help set up something just check back in a few months I was very excited. How cool was that! Just send an email to the White House and get results. Who knew?

After a few months I contacted the office again and within a few days we were off and running with a very quick turn around. I was given about seven weeks to put this all together. No pressure! The White House was able to secure two guests from the Department of Health and Human Services - Assistant Secretary Kathy Greenlee and AJ Pearlman. I was able to get the new Director of Health and Aging from the Human Rights Campaign, Shane Snowdon, to also present. Along with getting the facility and promotion for the event all set up. Below is a great piece from AZ-TV7's Morning Scramble:





The event was amazing! It also provided me with my first opportunity to moderate a panel discussion. I learned a lot prepping for that. Special thanks to Dr. Rebecca Allison for joining the panel. While I wish that attendance for the event had been high I could not have been more happy with the quality of what was presented. I hope to get to work with the White House on a project again in the future.

Moving Marriage Equality Video with President Obama

This morning I was lucky enough to spend sometime on twitter and happened to catch something that set a great tone for the day. Legalizelove.com has released a very moving video supporting marriage equality. Great shots of various couples in wedding gear but the kicker is the use of President Obama's voice throughout the video. It is really something else to have a President that will speak not just to the LGBT community but will really speak for us as well.

Watch the video here:



LegalizeLove.com: Obama & Gay Couples "Speak with One Voice" On Gay Marriage from LegalizeLove.com on Vimeo.

Chick-Fil-A: Biggest Mega Church in Town

Today I attended a presentation at by Dan Cathy, President of Chick-Fil-A. The presentation was held at Grand Canyon University, which identifies itself as a Christian University. The summary for the presentation on the website said the following, "Grand Canyon University invites you to hear Dan Cathy as he shares his collection of life-lessons and simple, yet powerful reminders that we all have opportunities to lead and impact the lives of others. As leaders you must be constantly looking for new and inspiring ways to add value and clarity of vision to our lives and the lives of others."

I consider myself a leader. It's a label I wear proudly. I will also admit I am a sucker for a good leadership seminar and certainly hearing from a successful businessman could provide for learning opportunities. Plus, it's a free event. Sounds perfect! Except for one thing. Chick-Fil-A has developed a reputation for funding anti-gay organizations. Recent reports show that in 2010 Chick-Fil-A, through its charitable arm WinShape donated nearly $2 million to organizations that are anti-gay. Now I love Chick-Fil-A nuggets but I have chosen not to eat there for quite sometime because of the amount of money given to these organizations.

The event did not disappoint from both a leadership learning perspective and an insight into the philosophy of the company. Dan, as he like to be called, shared with us the companies philosophy,

"To glorify God by being a faithful steward to all that is entrusted to us. To have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-Fil-A."

This statement was met with great applause and enthusiasm. Being held at a Christian University I expected that type of support. Also, since I happen to come in and sit right behind Cathi Herrod, head of the Center for Arizona Policy (the most anti-gay group in Arizona), I had guessed the spin of the presentation. The philosophy sounds great! I'll have an order of that.What a great thing to try and teach employees that they can have a positive impact on every customer's day. Sounds like a great concept for good customer service which is important in the fast food industry. The problem is obviously their donations are not having a positive influence on my family. Their stance on marriage being between one man and one woman keeps my partner and I from protecting our family and gaining all the benefits of a heterosexual couple.

Dan reinforces this concept when he said he counsels young people thinking of going into the ministry to re-think that and become a Chick-Fil-A franchise owner. After all he says,

"The biggest mega church in town is a Chick-Fil-A." 

Dan feels that with each store employing 60-70 young folks working there it's bigger than most youth groups. This way operators of franchises have the opportunity to "preach" values to their employees. The company values that is.

He also shared with us this video that is used during their employee training.






The video is great. Again, what a concept for employees that are providing customer service to think about the fact that they may not know what is going on with each individual they interact with that day. Great training tool. However, it seems that Dan and his family don't extend this concept beyond the face to face interactions with their customers. They don't seem to apply this kind of thinking when looking at causes to champion.

Dan ended the day by addressing something he was very concerned about. Dan commented,

"Society and culture are getting off track. We are going to define marriage between one man and one woman."

The row in front of me went nuts! Cathi Herrod and her clan were clapping and shouting their support with all their might. However, that same excitement was not held by the majority of the room. Again, at the beginning and throughout Dan got cheers and support for his Christian positions. Things like thinking of others, supporting family, being spiritual. However, it seemed that the majority of the crowd was not with him on this. Seems to me more of the Christians in the audience realized it's not their job to judge others. Also, maybe they had listened to him and watched his video and this just didn't seem to fit with his message.

One of my favorite principals is the saying, "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing." Dan and I share a belief in this principal. We also share a belief that family should be a main thing. I just wished that he would focus on his and not try to tell me what defines mine.

I did speak with one of the local owner/operators about his thoughts on the company giving to anti-gay organizations. He was very open and said he really didn't know anything about it and apologized. He said that at his store his policy is to hire the best employees and he could care less about their orientation. He was very sincere and even gave me a number to the corporate office to follow up. I asked if he was able to have any input in which organizations the company donated to and he said he didn't think so since he didn't even know they did and he had been with the company for more than a decade. I told him I missed eating his nuggets and I hope I get to again soon.

Perspective

Perspective, it's an interesting thing. Two days ago the citizens of North Carolina voted to ban gay marriages. The next day President Barack Obama becomes the first sitting President to say that he supports marriage equality. Some say the President came forward a day too late. We won't know if it would have made a difference or not. However, for some the perspective is a state lost. For others the perspective is a country won. What all agree on is that the President did a historic thing in coming out in favor of marriage equality. From some people's perspective his actions might even be considered heroic

Go to today. I helped put together an event for the Human Rights Campaign to benefit the Maryland Marriage Fund to help keep marriage equality in that state. Governor Martin O'Malley was the special guest at the event. Governor O'Malley was able to show incredible leadership in helping to bring marriage equality to his state. Now that its there, he is continuing to lead the fight against a ballot measure to remove it. His conviction to make sure the LGBT community in his state is shown the same dignity and freedoms as anyone else is truly inspiring. I would guess that the perspective of many in the LGBT community in Maryland is that he is a hero.

The person that introduced the Governor was former Arizona State Senator and current candidate for Congress in Arizona, Kyrsten Sinema. Sinema has been a leader in the LGBT community for years and is known for having led the only successful campaign to defeat an anti-LGBT marriage amendment in the country. Her ability to make things happen for the LGBT community in Arizona has been remarkable. I have had the pleasure to work with her on many projects over the years and for me personally, she is a hero. That is my perspective.

So why would someone from Arizona host an event like this? Why send money in a very important election year out of the state? Perspective. It is not likely that Arizona will repeal its constitutional ban on gay marriage. The only way Arizonan's are going to see marriage equality is by enough states having it that the Federal government takes action and the Defense of Marriage Act is repealed. So from our perspective here this is how we bring marriage equality to our state - one state at a time across the country.

So my perspective of heroes this week have been of President Obama, Governor O'Malley and Congressional Candidate Kyrsten Sinema. So it surprised me when I received this post on my Facebook

Perspective. One never knows who is watching and the impact your words and actions have on them. This is not the first time someone has shared this type of sentiment with me. However, each time it catches me off guard. I mean come on, who am I? I am not the President or a Governor. How can I possibly be a hero? Perspective. You see most of the time when I hear this it comes from our youth. While I know that the time I give is not only for myself but to make a difference in the lives of many others, I forget that people actually get that too. I gotta say - it makes all the defeats and struggles worth it. To know that I am giving our youth inspiration and hope is a very humbling experience. It also fuels me to keep going.

The funny thing is from my perspective the youth today are heroes. They are so brave to come out or to be an ally for their friends that do. I can't wait for today's youth to be in the lead and take this fight for equality to a whole other level.

A lot has happened in the last two days. I think I have a new perspective on a few things.

The Importance of a First Kiss

Image via Wikipedia

Today history was made. It was just a few seconds in the life of two women - but it made news across the country. It's a Navy tradition to have a couple do the first homecoming kiss. A raffle is done on the ship and the winner gets to be the first to greet their loved one and give "the first kiss." Today that kiss was done by a lesbian couple for the first time. Petty Officer 2nd Class Marissa Gaeta bought 50 raffle tickets and her name was chosen. Her girlfriend, Petty Officer 3rd Class Citlalic Snell was among the many family members gathered to meet the sailors as they came home. For more details on the historic kiss I recommend this article.

It's small moments like this, the everyday ones that most people take for granted that LGBT individuals dream of. In one of the links I looked at an individual commented, "Why is this news?" On the one had I couldn't agree more. It shouldn't be news. It is just normal everyday life. A ship comes into port, a plane lands at an airport, a car arrives at a house. People head to greet their loved ones that they haven't seen in days, weeks, month. They embrace - they kiss. It's not earth shattering. It's not news worthy.

Unless it's the first one after that happens after a law said you couldn't do it.

Then it puts a smile on your face for the whole day. Progress. All we want is to do the everyday things. All we want is to not make news.

Someday.

The video of the event and a short interview with the women is below.

Interview on the Joe and Babe Show

Last night I was interviewed on QTalk Arizona's The Joe and Babe Show. If you aren't familiar with it, QTalk Arizona is Arizona's LGBT Podcast Network. It features a wide variety of shows on topics that interest the LGBT community. You can find a detailed list of the shows here.

I had a great time at the interview. Joe Dugandzic and Babe Caylor are a lot of fun. Oh and they are good at their homework too! We talked about parenting, activism and how to juggle it all. Plus a topic I was surprised they even knew about.

I was very impressed with their studio and all the buttons and gadgets. Way more complex than my little podcast. Real microphones and all! There was an added surprise by a local media person that also attended to take pictures. I was very surprised by the extra attention.

I think you will enjoy the show. Have a listen and check out some of their other shows too.


 

The Death of Paula Brooks and the Apology from Bill Graber

Previously I had written that I was hoping to speak with Bill Graber and get an explanation and an apology regarding the deception that had happened by him pretending to be lesbian blogger - 'Paula Brooks', founder of the blog Lez Get Real. I am happy to say this conversation has happened. While I had planned on it being a private conversation that I would just acknowledge happened so readers would know, Bill gave me permission to do a post on it.

Bill and I spoke for about a half hour. The first thing out of his mouth was, “I’m sorry I was such an ass.” There were no excuses, in fact it was backed up with a few more statements of I’m sorry for various things. While I accepted the apology I also needed to get some things off of my chest. It was important to me that Bill understood that my issue was the lying that happened on a personal level (see the Google chat example in my previous post).

Me: Why tell me these stories about Deb, the kids, etc?

Bill: It was part of the character.

Me: I understand, but that wasn't what was important about the character for me…you had me at politics. I am a politics junkie and I respected Paula’s mind on the issues. We could discuss and debate many political topics. That’s what I enjoyed. You and I didn’t flirt and we didn’t discuss personal things all the time. So the need to go there with me I just don’t understand.

Bill: I was manipulative. I was trying to get to people’s emotions because sometimes I needed them to do and write something emotional. It was wrong…but many times it was effective. People wanted to talk to the surfer mom. They told her things they wouldn’t tell anyone else. We had the best information of any of the blogs. That was because of the surfer mom. In fact, what I find is people are mad because I killed 'Paula.' They are mad because their friend is gone.

Me: I just don't understand the need for all the lying and manipulating of us on a personal level. For me it was not needed. I wanted to write. You didn't need to manipulate me to do so. I logged, in wrote my stuff, and logged off.

Bill: When the next time I pretend to be a lesbian surfer mom I'll be sure to ask you on how to handle it.

Me: It's really not even funny to joke about doing it again. 

I was also curious about the other cast of characters. Let’s face it…this felt like the end of some move that I just didn’t see the ending coming. I’m one of those people that like to see the credits and know who played their roles. This was no different.

Me: Who are the kids…are they real?

Bill: They are my Grand kids. I’m sure you noticed the progress of time throughout the pictures. Had to be someone I knew.

Me: I put one of the pictures you sent me of them in a post. I will remove it. It's not my intention to do them any harm with all of this. My anger is not at them.

Bill: Thanks, I’m sure my daughter would appreciate it. She is just as mad as my wife.

Me: I can only imagine. You seem to have a shit load of woman pissed at you. Who is the woman in the pictures we see as ‘Paula’ on all the social media?

Bill: My sister when she was 20…keep it all in the family.

Me: What about Deb?

Bill: That is from my friends…what happened to them.

Me: But no one died I thought?

Bill: That’s true. I dramatized it. I wanted to get the story on the survivor blogs to draw readers to Lez Get Real.

Me: But people donated money. That was a horrible deception. What happened to that money? 

Bill: It all went to charity. I made sure nothing came to me. That was hard. Every time there was a hit on the story on a survivor blog I felt bad because I knew it had happened to them for real and they were looking to real support and the story they were reading was a fake. 

This was a pretty low point. To use this death to essentially gain more readers for the blog. It was all about the blog. It seemed that anyone could be sacrificed or hurt to move the blog forward. I was a fairly new writer for the blog when this happened so I wasn't as emotionally wrapped up in it as the others. But to hear him talk about using it simply to promote on the survivor blogs really showed me a new reality. There were no boundaries to who could be hurt. Then we discussed the blog and why this had all happened.

Bill: All I wanted to do was help the LGBT community. I served 25 years in the Air Force. I served to fight for the little people. However, I didn’t even realize the gay community was the little people. I didn’t know anything about it. Then I met a great lesbian couple. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to fight for them because I didn’t feel like I had when I was in the service.

Me: It’s funny. The character of ‘Paula’s Dad’ that I would talk to on the phone is the closest to you. His character was retired military and it took him a long time to come around on LGBT issues but he did so because he learned about it from someone he knew – his daughter. That is to me the closest thing to reality in all of this.

Bill: Yes but the ‘Paula’ character is me too. That was my desire to want to fight for equality. Problem was I didn’t know anything about the gay community. Honestly, I thought all gay men did was go to the park to have sex. I have learned that is not the case. I may have infiltrated a community but the reality is the community educated me. I learned about the strength of the community. I really believe it is the women in the LGBT community that will win this battle. You have the kids, families…your voices are just so powerful. I know there were times writers were mad at me because I would say I was too busy and ask them to write a story. It was because I really did want the blog to be from a lesbian’s point of view…and I am not one. I wanted your (lesbians) voices on the blog. I kept trying to get out but things just kept happening and I was just never able to walk away.

Me: I know you kept saying you were trying to leave.

Bill: I was. You were a problem.

Me: I was?

Bill: Yes you were someone that would come to D.C. and want to meet her. I never thought that would happen. I didn’t know what to do.

Me: Yeah that pissed me off too. I didn’t need my time and that of my friends wasted like that. I wasn't in D.C. to see 'Paula' I had other stuff I was doing. Instead of just saying you couldn't meet you had me waiting for you on two different occasions. I was pissed then and now to learn that it wasn't even real?! That is the shit that drives me nuts. It's the pure manipulation. It leaves us feeling violated.

Bill: I was in panic mode I didn’t know what to do and I am sorry.

Me: So after all this time with these characters and running the blog is it hard to give up?

Bill: Yes…I loved my blog. I worked hard on it to make it something that made an impact. Since the whole thing blew up I have done some interviews and the first thing they ask me is to give them my contacts. Pretty funny, huh? They think I am a fraud yet they want my contacts! What does that say about our blog? They know we were about four days ahead on every story. People wanted to give the surfer mom info. Boy did we get great tips. They were dead on.

Me: Did you give them the contacts?

Bill: Hell no! I gave the blog to Bridget and I’m not going to give someone else the keys to destroy Lez Get Real. I know I hurt her the worst. I am doing everything I can to help set it right for her.

Me: Do you still have access to the blog?

Bill: No I am locked out. It’s all hers now.

Me: Sounds like that is for the best.

It was a good conversation because I am a person that likes closure. So to be able to confront Bill with my anger and ask him the questions I needed to have answered feels good. I am not one to dwell on anger. I find it takes way to much energy. So I am moving on.

There were things in the talk that stood out to me. His use of the words manipulation and infiltration in particular. It seemed like he was a soldier on a mission. While I understood that he was apologizing, I also felt like he was debriefing. Not a lot of emotion. Sincerity, I think, but not emotion.

I imagine this will not be my last contact with Bill. There maybe other questions I have that I would like answered. I wouldn't be surprised if we chatted on and off. I won't be able to ever trust him. The violation was just too much to go back. In fact, the only thing I fully believe is that he loved his blog. I know that because he would lie to anyone to protect it. But frankly, it's hard for me to resist talking with him. After all, once you finish the movie, wouldn't you love to sit down with the writer and see how they pulled off an ending that no one saw coming?

Related articles

• Phony lesbian blogger 'Gay Girl' wasn't alone (msnbc.msn.com)
• Lesbian Blogger Hoax: Warnings & Questions About Paula Brooks (blogher.com)

The Old Man and the Queers

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You never know when you are going to learn a lesson or where it will come from. You can only make sure you are able to recognize it when it happens.

On Saturday, February 12th, many of the Arizona State House of Representative Democrats held office hours for their constituents. This was done in part to honor Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords one month after her shooting. The lawmakers were wanting to show that Gabby's commitment to meeting with her constituents was equally important to them and something that wouldn't be stopped by the actions taken by a gunman on that day. I live in Arizona's 14th legislative district represented by Debbie McCune Davis and Chad Cambell who were holding their office hours at a local coffee shop in the district.

There were only seven of us that showed up for the chat. We settled in around one large table to be able to discuss what issues were important to us with our Representatives. An older couple was seated next to me and went first. Only the gentleman spoke. He started off about keeping the tax credits for school donations. That was cool with me and I was impressed at how he was discussing some of the education issues. Then he switched topics.

"I want to discuss the marriage amendment. The family is the most important thing in society and must be protected," he began.

I'm thinking, "Well this is interesting. We have already been here, done this, and voted marriage between one man and one woman into our constitution. What more is there to discuss?" Then I think, "Oh maybe he is upset about the amendment and wants to protect all of our families." Yeah....no.

"Marriage has been around for thousands of years and the only way this has been is between one man and one woman and we must protect that," he declared. Now the purpose of this meeting was not a group discussion. He was there to talk with his representative. Rep. Campbell had run back to his house so he was not present at the time which left Rep. McCune Davis to handle the question. I just looked at her and gave her a little smile and waited.

"I understand what you are saying but I think we would disagree on how families need to be protected. This is something that was already voted on and is done and your view won in that vote." McCune Davis said. I thought Rep. McCune Davis was handling it well since there really was no point in having a conversation on something that would not be voted on here again. It was clear she didn't agree with him but why make a big argument at this point.

Then he said, "Well we need to make sure it stays that way. If they want to have a civil union I don't care about that. They can have some rights but I do not what queers to marry."

"Ok, wow, did he just say queers," I thought to myself and looked down at the table biting my lip.

"Well we can have some agreement that they do deserve to have equal rights," said McCune Davis happy that there was a point she could turn into agreement.

Unfortunately, he continued, "Sometimes judges decide to make laws and this is a decision that the people need to make."


At this Rep. McCune Davis did have to strongly disagree by saying, "Judges don't make laws the legislature does. The courts do check to make sure laws are constitutional. I do believe there will be court challenges on this issue. We are already seeing challenges to the marriage law in California. However, the judges will not be making laws when they decide a case."

"Oh but they are," the man continued. "Who are they to decide? This decision must be made by the majority. It is the majority of the people that say marriage is between one man and one woman and that is the only way it should be decided...by the people's vote."

Again Rep. McCune Davis could not let that pass and had to strongly disagree. "Sir, we as lawmakers have a responsibility to make sure that we protect all Arizonans. That means we do things to protect the minority at times. In this situation it was brought to a vote by the public and your position won. However, we do have a responsibility to protect the minority."

He was not satisfied with this answer but Rep. McCune Davis was able to end the conversation successfully because there were other constituents that needed a turn. During this conversation Rep. Campbell had rejoined the group. He had assessed the situation and made a smart move choosing not to ask, "So what did I miss?"

Then Rep. McCune Davis looked at me and said, "So what brought you here today?"

"Well I hadn't come here to discuss something that had been decided on two years ago but I must strongly disagree with what he just said. While I don't think we need to take up our time here today discussing an issue that will not come before the legislature I will say that I have a partner and we have two kids. I would like to have the same rights and protections everyone else at this table has when it comes to their family. I can't adopt my children because this state doesn't have second parent adoptions and so I have no legal rights to my children. Marriage would solve that and protect my family."

"It appears that most of you around the table are married. As far as Civil Unions go the only way that is equal is if you each have to tear up your marriage licenses and we all get a Civil Union license. All the tax codes and any other legal documents that reference marriage would need to change to Civil Union. The problem isn't that I want to call it marriage, the problem is that our government does. Therefore, all the rights and protections that you say you are ok with me having are tied up in that word with our government. To just make up something for me is not equal. Either I get marriage or you all get Civil Unions. Either way is ok with me."

I then went on to discuss the anti-bullying bill and the adoption bill that I had come to address. Rep Campbell did address these bills and they both stated they supported my position on them.

As I was finishing up the man interrupted, "When you say you have a partner - is it a man or a woman?"

"It's a woman," I said.

Not looking at me the man asked, "And you have kids?"

"Yes," I responded.

Still not bothering to look at me he asks, "Then what do you say when they are going to ask who their father is?"

"They don't have one, they have two mommies," I answered simply.

At this point the man next to me interrupted. He said this discussion could happen at another time and that we were all here to ask questions of our legislators and we should use the time for that. I agreed and we moved on.

Conversation continued and many other issues were discussed. After things wrapped up both Representative McCune Davis and Representative Campbell talked with me about the conversation. I told Rep. McCune Davis that I appreciated her answers and thought she handled it well. I spent more time with Representative Campbell, who is currently the minority leader, about the redistricting process and the importance of LGBT people showing up to that process. Then I left.

Here is the lesson I learned. It's all about showing up.

Had I not shown up the only voice that would have been heard on LGBT issues would have been his. While others that were there privately told me of their support as well they would have not spoken on LGBT issues that day. They were there for their own reasons. This is why LGBT individuals need to participate. All I did was sit down and have a cup of hot chocolate with people, my neighbors, to discuss what we think are important issues facing Arizona.

It was the most important thing I had done all week.

LGBT Virtual Convention Panels Announced

The folks over at eQualityGiving.org have developed a great way to interact with leaders of various areas in the LGBT community. They have created a free virtual convention that has various panels. Individuals are able to submit questions to a panel and hear the discussion. The panels are also recorded and can be listened to any time. Below is some information on the upcoming panels.





Sunday January 30, 2011
7:00 pm to 8:00 pm EDT
DOES THE "T" IN "LGBTQ" MEAN ANYTHING MORE THAN "TOKEN"?
After HRC appended the "T" in 2004 and the bruising battle over an inclusive ENDA in 2007, are we again forgetting trans and gender-non conforming concerns?

Panelists

Stephen Glassman, Chairperson, Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission
Diego Sanchez, Legislative Assistant to Congressman Barney Frank (D-MA)
Melissa Sklarz, New York City transactivis
Meghan Stabler, Board of Directors, Human Rights Campaign

Question Moderators

Jessica Lee, Board Member, GOProud
Lisa Turner, Political Strategist, The Turner Group

Monday February 7, 2011
Noon to 1:00 pm EDT

WHY HIV CRIMINALIZATION MATTERS
Do current policies still discriminate against HIV? In which ways the law still discriminates against HIV?

Panelists

Edwin J. Bernard, Editor of HIV and the Criminal Law (NAM, 2010) and Criminal HIV Transmission
Vanessa Johnson, JD, Executive VP, National Association of People with AIDS
Sean Strub, Senior advisor, Center for HIV Law & Policy's Positive Justice Project, founder of POZ Magazine

Question Moderators

Todd A. Heywood, Reporter, Michigan Messenger

To submit questions just go to http://www.equalitygiving.org/eQualityThinking.

Shocked by the Shooting of Gabrielle Giffords

The tragedy that happened at a Safeway in Tucson, Arizona yesterday is something I am still having trouble comprehending. Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords had been shot. My brain clearly was not reading that tweet on my phone correctly. But no matter how many times I read it it came out the same.

Then it got worse. A few tweets later and the news had shifted to her being dead. What in the world was going on. Clearly no one was making sense. This just couldn't be happening. Luckily, that report turned out to be wrong. But all of that set the roller coaster of the day in motion.

I had wanted to blog, to report, but there were no words I could write.

Rep. Giffords was someone I had come to know through my work with the Human Rights Campaign. I had been in Gabby's office in Washington, D.C. several times. I would go to lobby her on issues from Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) to the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA). I had pressed her on some issues and asked her tough questions even though her track record with HRC was very positive. Gabby always was gracious, thoughtful and happy to be a supporter of LGBT rights. She would meet with us personally which is something not all members would do. Recently, after the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell our local committee received this message from her:

I just wanted to congratulate you and all of the HRC team for the DADT repeal. This was one of the most extraordinary accomplishments I could have hoped for. As much as I am sad to lose the majority, when I look back on all that we accomplished, I have no regrets.

Have a wonderful holiday and thank you for all of your great work against this discriminatory law.

Best,

G 

I was lucky to meet her husband and spend some time with them and Gabby's parents after an awards event. I was taking a picture for someone and Gabby was excited they wanted to include Mark Kelly, her husband, in the picture. She said, "He's an astronaut you know?" Clearly proud of her husband and his accomplishments. Her parents couldn't say enough about how proud they were of Gabby. However, Gabby was just as proud of them. It was actually her parents that had been honored that night and the Congresswoman had beamed on stage discussing how they had raised her and how proud she was of them.

But now things had changed. 22-year-old Jared Lee Loughner had shown up to Gabby's Congress on Your Corner event and shot her at point blank range in the head.

I have known two people with head injuries, one from a gun shot wound. These people survived, but they are not the same people. Head injuries are tricky things. Doctors can't predict how anyone's recovery will be and Gabby's doctors are no different. They are staying far away from discussing recovery. A smart thing to do.

The roller coaster continues with erroneous reports still cropping up. I hope there will be less of those.

There has got to be something positive that comes out of this. Of course, the fact that so many survived and the doctors are extremely hopeful Gabby will continue to recover is the most positive. But on a bigger picture I think there will be more. Gabby has a way of working with both sides of the aisle. There has been much discussion about whether the increasing negativity of the political rhetoric drove Loughner to do this awful act. We may never know that. But I believe Gabby is working her magic right now through this incident. Both sides respect her too much to not take a hard look and check themselves. At least this is my hope.

Something good has to come from it...

Human Rights Campaign Releases 2011 Flashpoints for LGBT Equality

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Today the Human Rights Campaign released it's Flashpoints for LGBT Equality. The document highlights the challenges and opportunities facing the LGBT community both on a national level and at the state level. The document can be seen in its entirety here.

One of the first points discussed in the document is how the last election shifted the Congress toward a more anti-LGBT make-up.

According to HRC this shift puts a roadblock on getting pro-LGBT legislation passed. While it is highly unlikely, HRC and it's allies do plan on introducing or reintroducing pro-LGBT legislation. This bills include:

1. Employment Non-Discrimination Act
2. Repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act
3. Safe Schools Improvement Act
4. Student Non-Discrimination Act
5. Domestic Partnership Benefits and Obligations Act
6. Tax Equity for Heath Plan Beneficiaries Act
7. Uniting American Families Act
8. Freedom from Discrimination in Credit Act
9. Every Child Deserves a Family Act

Other items to work on include HIV/AIDS funding, and legislation to protect LGBT people from housing discrimination. According to HRC the bills that deal with students have a good chance because of all the national attention around bullying. Also, the Republicans also like to hear about items that deal with tax cuts so those items may get some positive attention as well.

HRC will continue to push the Obama administration to make changes in federal policy. There have already been some big victories in this area and that should continue.

In terms of state legislation, HRC sees 6 states that could make progress in marriage and relationship recognition: Maryland, New York, Rhode Island, Hawaii, Delaware and Illinois. However there are also states where HRC sees a risk that protections for same-sex couples could be rolled back. New Hampshire and Iowa could lose marriage equality while Indiana, Pennsylvania, and North Carolina could have a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. Other issues to fight will be adoption bans.

The HRC also discusses possible victories in the courts. These cases will have impacts on marriage equality and will be worth keeping an eye on. As HRC states these cases, "could make an impact on the marriage equlaity landscape in subsequent years."

Andrew Tobias Lists Accomplishments of Administration and Congress

Image via WikipediaAndrew Tobias, Treasurer of the Democratic National Committee, put out a list of accomplishments made by President Obama earlier this year. He just revised the list to cover the first two years of the Obama administration and Congress. Tobias, an openly gay man has been trying to make the case to the LGBT community to continue to give it's time, money and support to both Obama and the Democratic party. This has been more difficult than Tobias may have guessed. The LGBT community has been one of the most vocal on the left about not seeing the progress being made toward equality. Many have called for the community to stop giving to the Democratic part and some have gone as far as saying not to vote for Dems.

You can see Tobias' updated list in full here at eQulaityGiving.org but I am going to go through some of the highlights here.

Tobias divided the accomplishments into three sections. The first one covered are the federal legislations signed into law. There are three things listed - signing of Hate Crimes Prevention Act, signing of Repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell and the signing of the Ryan White HIV/AIDS Treatment Extension Act. While our community was hoping to get the Employment Non-Discrimination Act passed and the Defense of Marriage Act overturned let's be real. No one knew the Republicans were going to put the government at a standstill. Not to mention that the country was begging for the economy to be addressed and health care reform took FOREVER! To get Hate Crimes, a 10 project, and the repeal of DADT, a 17 year project, is impressive in my opinion. Just because we have a President that will sign legislation we want doesn't mean he can put it on his desk himself.

In the second section Tobias discusses the policies that were changed. I am going to quote a few of my top choices out of the 18 he has listed.

• Extended benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees in 2009 and, further in 2010
• Banned job discrimination based on gender identity throughout the Federal government (the nation's largest employer)
• Instructed HHS to require any hospital receiving Medicare or Medicaid funds (virtually all hospitals) to allow LGBT visitation rights
• Lifted the HIV Entry Ban effective January 2010

As we have seen the private sector is key to making changes for equality. Businesses providing benefits and having non-discrimination policies are one of the leading factors toward passing ENDA. Now the nation's largest employer has policies in place that many of the fortune 500 companies have. These policy changes are an example of Obama using his power to help set the tone of how he expects things to run. This sends a message to Congress that he would like all LGBT Americans to have these same rights. While losing the House of Representatives to the Republicans looks like we will not be getting any LGBT bills passed in the next two years we can hope the 2012 Presidential election will bring the Dems back into power. These policy changes along with continuous education of elected officials and the American people will help us pass ENDA in Obama's second term.

The final section Tobias calls Respect and Inclusion. While this section discusses 27 ways Obama has included the LGBT community in various awards, speeches and appointees there are a few things to highlight.

• Hired more openly LGBT officials in its first two years -- more than 150, including more than 20 "Senate-confirmables" -- than any previous administration hired in four years or eight
• Appointed Justices Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan, instead of conservatives who would have tilted the Court even further to the right and virtually doomed our rights for a generation.
• Named open transgender appointees (the first President ever to do so)
• Dispatched the Secretary of Defense and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff to call on the Senate to repeal Don't Ask / Don't Tell
• Appointed long-time equality champion Chai Feldblum one of the four Commissioners of the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission

The last one is the one I want to comment on as it is again a sign of Obama planning ahead for the fight on ENDA. The appointment of Chai Feldblum will be an asset when we are able to move this issue forward. Obama has publicly stated multiple times he wants to see ENDA pass. This appointment is another sign of that commitment.

We can argue all we want about whether the LGBT community got everything it could in the last two years. If we think we could have gotten more then we must examine where the failures were and make adjustments for the next time. Let's face it, the LGBT community is more used to playing defense than it is offense. We may not have brought our 'A' game but I believe we got a lot in the last two years. I am excited to see what could happen in the next two, even with a Republican controlled House. There is work that can be done in the states to move Marriage Equality forward so when the time comes we will be ready to overturn DOMA. There is a lot of education that can be done on ENDA both in Congress and in the states. Also, we must concentrate on making sure there are candidates worth voting for in 2012 that will help us with ENDA and Marriage Equality.

These two years will set up the Presidential race. What will our list of accomplishments look like from now until the 2012 election? Will we have a list as long of work we as a community did to strengthen our position to play offense? Or will our community continue to play armchair quarterback and just complain after the fact?

Podcast - Episode 7

Episode 7 of "Thoughts From A Lezzymom" is now available FREE on iTunes. You can subscribe and listen to it here. Please use the tell your friends link in iTunes and spread the word about the show. If you don't have iTunes use the player in the sidebar on the blog to listen to the show.

In this episode of the podcast I discuss the latest in LGBT news. Some of the topics discussed are the California Supreme Court's decision on Prop. 8 and what's happening in NY with the Senate mix up and what it has to do with marriage equality. Also I interview Steven and Zeniff Vanderran about the discrimination they are facing from their HOA. They have been told they can no longer fly their rainbow flag.

Listen to their story and then take action. Contact the Cambria HOA President at cambria.president@yahoo.com and the secretary at cambriahotline@aol.com.

Our song of the show is by Adrina Thorpe and is called "Midnight" from her Album Halflight & Shadows which is her second album. I found Adriana on the Podsafe Music Network. You can find more information about her music at halflightandshadows.com.

Our featured interview is with Jennifer Chrisler the Executive Director from the Family Equality Council. We discuss their great work in helping LGBT families achieve equality. They provide amazing education on many topics for LGBT families as well as help push public policy. Some of the hot topics we discuss are the federal lawsuit filed against Prop. 8, adoption rights moving backwards, and how the movement is missing out on LGBT families as stong activists. Jennifer also talks about Family Week which is an annual event held by the organization.

Finally I give my thoughts on the recent attacks on the Human Rights Campaign made by The Daily Beast. HRC called the report "an outright lie and recklessly irresponsible." I discuss not only the facts and what happened after the attack but how HRC may have been able to avoid the attacks in the first place.

Thanks for listening and remember you can send me comments and show ideas by emailing me at lezzymom@gmail.com.