Perspective

Perspective, it's an interesting thing. Two days ago the citizens of North Carolina voted to ban gay marriages. The next day President Barack Obama becomes the first sitting President to say that he supports marriage equality. Some say the President came forward a day too late. We won't know if it would have made a difference or not. However, for some the perspective is a state lost. For others the perspective is a country won. What all agree on is that the President did a historic thing in coming out in favor of marriage equality. From some people's perspective his actions might even be considered heroic

Go to today. I helped put together an event for the Human Rights Campaign to benefit the Maryland Marriage Fund to help keep marriage equality in that state. Governor Martin O'Malley was the special guest at the event. Governor O'Malley was able to show incredible leadership in helping to bring marriage equality to his state. Now that its there, he is continuing to lead the fight against a ballot measure to remove it. His conviction to make sure the LGBT community in his state is shown the same dignity and freedoms as anyone else is truly inspiring. I would guess that the perspective of many in the LGBT community in Maryland is that he is a hero.

The person that introduced the Governor was former Arizona State Senator and current candidate for Congress in Arizona, Kyrsten Sinema. Sinema has been a leader in the LGBT community for years and is known for having led the only successful campaign to defeat an anti-LGBT marriage amendment in the country. Her ability to make things happen for the LGBT community in Arizona has been remarkable. I have had the pleasure to work with her on many projects over the years and for me personally, she is a hero. That is my perspective.

So why would someone from Arizona host an event like this? Why send money in a very important election year out of the state? Perspective. It is not likely that Arizona will repeal its constitutional ban on gay marriage. The only way Arizonan's are going to see marriage equality is by enough states having it that the Federal government takes action and the Defense of Marriage Act is repealed. So from our perspective here this is how we bring marriage equality to our state - one state at a time across the country.

So my perspective of heroes this week have been of President Obama, Governor O'Malley and Congressional Candidate Kyrsten Sinema. So it surprised me when I received this post on my Facebook

Perspective. One never knows who is watching and the impact your words and actions have on them. This is not the first time someone has shared this type of sentiment with me. However, each time it catches me off guard. I mean come on, who am I? I am not the President or a Governor. How can I possibly be a hero? Perspective. You see most of the time when I hear this it comes from our youth. While I know that the time I give is not only for myself but to make a difference in the lives of many others, I forget that people actually get that too. I gotta say - it makes all the defeats and struggles worth it. To know that I am giving our youth inspiration and hope is a very humbling experience. It also fuels me to keep going.

The funny thing is from my perspective the youth today are heroes. They are so brave to come out or to be an ally for their friends that do. I can't wait for today's youth to be in the lead and take this fight for equality to a whole other level.

A lot has happened in the last two days. I think I have a new perspective on a few things.

Reality Check from the Five Year Old

My son was goofing around with me the other day. He was in one of his funny moods and just saying all sorts of happy and silly things. Some were correct, some were made up, and others were just plain wrong but there was no convincing him of that. At one point he called Jess (my wife) my daughter. He laughed when he said it so I figured he was being silly so I laughed and said, "No she's not, silly." He came back and was a little more insistent that he was right. He was sounding pretty sure of himself it seemed and I started to second guess that he was kidding. I said, "You are being so silly! She's not my daughter, she is my wife." He looked right at me and said, "No Mommy." I was expecting more silliness but then he said, "She is your partner." 

Jess and I exchanged a glance and agreed with him. "Yes, that too," we answered and that finished the game. It struck a cord in me though. 

Now I know that it's not because he is aware that the law prevents his Mommies from getting married. He hears when introductions are made and we usually use partner more than wife and that  is why he responded that way. However, it was one of the harshest reminders of the reality of our family. 

We are not married, by law. 

Even a five year old knows that. 

Our five year old. 

I know that the Defense of Marriage Act will be repealed one day. I know that marriage equality will come to all 50 states. I believe I will see it happen. Some days the waiting is just harder than others. 

My Letter from Senator McCain

I love politics. I enjoy contacting my elected officials by email, phone, letters, etc. I want to participate in the governing process. I believe it is one of our most import responsibilities as citizens to do. We must do more than just vote. We must make sure that our elected officials know how we, as their constituents feel on the issues that matter most to us.

The tough part is I live in Arizona. I am happy to say that I live in a district where I actually feel the representation I have in the State Legislature is good. I am also very pleased with my Congressman, Ed Pastor.

Then you come to Senator Jon Kyl and Senator John McCain. I would say their representation lately couldn't be farther from my views. Although I know when I call their offices or write to them it is a long shot that they will be on my side, I do it anyway. You see, for me, these are the people it is most important I reach out to. I must continue to let them know I am here and they represent me.

I recently emailed Sen. McCain and asked him to support the Repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). I know of two other constituents that support this - Cindy McCain and Meghan McCain. Since these two constituents are family and can't seem to sway him on this I know it's a long shot. Plus this is not the first time I have engaged the Senator on this issue. I have met with his D.C. staff in the past to discuss this issue on several occasions. I have also called his office and sent other emails on numerous occasions over the years.


Today I got a response from Sen. McCain.

From: senator@mccain.senate.gov
Sent: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 1:07 PM
To: Kathy Young
Subject: Correspondence from Senator McCain

June 15, 2011

        Dear Ms. Young:


        Thank you for contacting me to express your views on the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). I appreciate hearing from you.

        Recently, I was saddened to learn that the Obama administration instructed the Department of Justice not to defend any legal challenges to DOMA. I believe, like most Americans, that the institution of marriage should be protected and defined as a union between a man and a woman. It is this definition and only this definition that acknowledges and supports the vital and unique roles played by mothers and fathers in the important job of raising children.

        For this reason, I do not support the dismantling of an institution that is the very foundation of our society, and replacing it with newer and more flexible understandings that are of questionable public value. I will continue to promote unions that have traditionally provided the basis for stable families and committed relationships.

        Again, thank you sharing your thoughts on this issue. You can be assured that I will keep your concerns in mind should any legislation pertaining to DOMA be considered by the full Senate. Please feel free to contact me in the future regarding this or any other issue of concern.

                                          Sincerely,

                                          John McCain

                                          United States Senator

 
There was no surprises in this response. Still hard to read. Still hurtful. In no way surprising.
 
In the future Senator McCain will get another email from me asking him to support the repeal of DOMA. It won't surprise him. It may annoy him that I didn't seem to hear his answer. 
 

Because the thing is it's his job to listen to me. It's my job to keep speaking to him. I will use different words and I will try different stories to convince him that recognizing my relationship has great public value instead of  something that to him is "of questionable public value." The point is, when my kids are old enough to understand the fight for equality and they ask me what I did to help protect my family, giving up will not be part of the story.

Human Rights Campaign Releases 2011 Flashpoints for LGBT Equality

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Today the Human Rights Campaign released it's Flashpoints for LGBT Equality. The document highlights the challenges and opportunities facing the LGBT community both on a national level and at the state level. The document can be seen in its entirety here.

One of the first points discussed in the document is how the last election shifted the Congress toward a more anti-LGBT make-up.

According to HRC this shift puts a roadblock on getting pro-LGBT legislation passed. While it is highly unlikely, HRC and it's allies do plan on introducing or reintroducing pro-LGBT legislation. This bills include:

1. Employment Non-Discrimination Act
2. Repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act
3. Safe Schools Improvement Act
4. Student Non-Discrimination Act
5. Domestic Partnership Benefits and Obligations Act
6. Tax Equity for Heath Plan Beneficiaries Act
7. Uniting American Families Act
8. Freedom from Discrimination in Credit Act
9. Every Child Deserves a Family Act

Other items to work on include HIV/AIDS funding, and legislation to protect LGBT people from housing discrimination. According to HRC the bills that deal with students have a good chance because of all the national attention around bullying. Also, the Republicans also like to hear about items that deal with tax cuts so those items may get some positive attention as well.

HRC will continue to push the Obama administration to make changes in federal policy. There have already been some big victories in this area and that should continue.

In terms of state legislation, HRC sees 6 states that could make progress in marriage and relationship recognition: Maryland, New York, Rhode Island, Hawaii, Delaware and Illinois. However there are also states where HRC sees a risk that protections for same-sex couples could be rolled back. New Hampshire and Iowa could lose marriage equality while Indiana, Pennsylvania, and North Carolina could have a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. Other issues to fight will be adoption bans.

The HRC also discusses possible victories in the courts. These cases will have impacts on marriage equality and will be worth keeping an eye on. As HRC states these cases, "could make an impact on the marriage equlaity landscape in subsequent years."

Andrew Tobias Lists Accomplishments of Administration and Congress

Image via WikipediaAndrew Tobias, Treasurer of the Democratic National Committee, put out a list of accomplishments made by President Obama earlier this year. He just revised the list to cover the first two years of the Obama administration and Congress. Tobias, an openly gay man has been trying to make the case to the LGBT community to continue to give it's time, money and support to both Obama and the Democratic party. This has been more difficult than Tobias may have guessed. The LGBT community has been one of the most vocal on the left about not seeing the progress being made toward equality. Many have called for the community to stop giving to the Democratic part and some have gone as far as saying not to vote for Dems.

You can see Tobias' updated list in full here at eQulaityGiving.org but I am going to go through some of the highlights here.

Tobias divided the accomplishments into three sections. The first one covered are the federal legislations signed into law. There are three things listed - signing of Hate Crimes Prevention Act, signing of Repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell and the signing of the Ryan White HIV/AIDS Treatment Extension Act. While our community was hoping to get the Employment Non-Discrimination Act passed and the Defense of Marriage Act overturned let's be real. No one knew the Republicans were going to put the government at a standstill. Not to mention that the country was begging for the economy to be addressed and health care reform took FOREVER! To get Hate Crimes, a 10 project, and the repeal of DADT, a 17 year project, is impressive in my opinion. Just because we have a President that will sign legislation we want doesn't mean he can put it on his desk himself.

In the second section Tobias discusses the policies that were changed. I am going to quote a few of my top choices out of the 18 he has listed.

• Extended benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees in 2009 and, further in 2010
• Banned job discrimination based on gender identity throughout the Federal government (the nation's largest employer)
• Instructed HHS to require any hospital receiving Medicare or Medicaid funds (virtually all hospitals) to allow LGBT visitation rights
• Lifted the HIV Entry Ban effective January 2010

As we have seen the private sector is key to making changes for equality. Businesses providing benefits and having non-discrimination policies are one of the leading factors toward passing ENDA. Now the nation's largest employer has policies in place that many of the fortune 500 companies have. These policy changes are an example of Obama using his power to help set the tone of how he expects things to run. This sends a message to Congress that he would like all LGBT Americans to have these same rights. While losing the House of Representatives to the Republicans looks like we will not be getting any LGBT bills passed in the next two years we can hope the 2012 Presidential election will bring the Dems back into power. These policy changes along with continuous education of elected officials and the American people will help us pass ENDA in Obama's second term.

The final section Tobias calls Respect and Inclusion. While this section discusses 27 ways Obama has included the LGBT community in various awards, speeches and appointees there are a few things to highlight.

• Hired more openly LGBT officials in its first two years -- more than 150, including more than 20 "Senate-confirmables" -- than any previous administration hired in four years or eight
• Appointed Justices Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan, instead of conservatives who would have tilted the Court even further to the right and virtually doomed our rights for a generation.
• Named open transgender appointees (the first President ever to do so)
• Dispatched the Secretary of Defense and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff to call on the Senate to repeal Don't Ask / Don't Tell
• Appointed long-time equality champion Chai Feldblum one of the four Commissioners of the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission

The last one is the one I want to comment on as it is again a sign of Obama planning ahead for the fight on ENDA. The appointment of Chai Feldblum will be an asset when we are able to move this issue forward. Obama has publicly stated multiple times he wants to see ENDA pass. This appointment is another sign of that commitment.

We can argue all we want about whether the LGBT community got everything it could in the last two years. If we think we could have gotten more then we must examine where the failures were and make adjustments for the next time. Let's face it, the LGBT community is more used to playing defense than it is offense. We may not have brought our 'A' game but I believe we got a lot in the last two years. I am excited to see what could happen in the next two, even with a Republican controlled House. There is work that can be done in the states to move Marriage Equality forward so when the time comes we will be ready to overturn DOMA. There is a lot of education that can be done on ENDA both in Congress and in the states. Also, we must concentrate on making sure there are candidates worth voting for in 2012 that will help us with ENDA and Marriage Equality.

These two years will set up the Presidential race. What will our list of accomplishments look like from now until the 2012 election? Will we have a list as long of work we as a community did to strengthen our position to play offense? Or will our community continue to play armchair quarterback and just complain after the fact?

Biden Says Marriage is 'Inevitable' - So What?

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Vice President Joe Biden discussed many topics during his appearance on the Today Show. One of the things was the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell and the President stating he is "evolving" on the idea of gay marriage. Biden says the country will inevitably move towards consensus of "gay marriage" like it moved toward consensus on Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

My thoughts on this...big deal. I didn't hear him say the President and I are committed to overturning the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and bringing Marriage Equality to the LGBT community. What I heard is the same thing LGBT activists and even some conservatives have said. As time passes the older generation, which opposes gay marriage the strongest, will be replaced with the younger generation that doesn't seem to have as much of a problem with it.

I agree with Vice President Biden's comparison with the military. It was clear the old soldiers - McCain like age, wanted to keep DADT. However, what the survey the President did showed those actively serving - Irag and Afghanistan vets (younger generation), don't care. Eventually, as the voting population changes marriage equality is something that will happen.

Until I hear that the President is actively working on it I'm not going to jump up and down for anyone in the White House realizing what we have all known - someday it will happen. It's just most of us would like to see it in our lifetime.

I also would like to see more emphasis being put on the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. I feel that until we can protect everyone in the workplace it is difficult for people in certain places to get married. While marriage equality is the wedge issue that is easy for the media to make into the primary issue I think we need to stay focus on what would protect all in our community. After all, marriage equality is inevitable.

Watch the Today Show interview here:

HRC Statement on Signing of Presidential Benefits' Memorandum

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HRC President Calls Signing "Only the Beginning" in Achieving Full Equality for LGBT Community

WASHINGTON -- Today, in an Oval Office signing ceremony, President Obama signed a Presidential Memorandum granting non-discrimination protections and some same-sex partner benefits for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender federal employees.







Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese issued the following statement tonight after the ceremony:
"Moments ago in the Oval Office, President Obama signed a memorandum committing his Administration to adhere to principles ensuring that the federal workplace is free from discrimination, including the extension of some benefits to same-sex partners of federal workers. This first step granting benefits such as giving federal employees the ability to provide their partners with access to long-term insurance and requiring supervisors to extend leave policies so that LGBT employees can take care of their loved ones, is a welcome and long-overdue movement towards bringing the government’s policies in line with the overwhelming majority of America’s businesses.

Earlier today, OPM Director John Berry affirmatively stated that this newly signed presidential memorandum will give him the authority to ban workplace discrimination for all members of the LGBT community.

Although today’s actions are only the beginning in what will be a multi-step process towards achieving real and tangible equality for our community, it is no doubt an important first step. We commend President Obama and his administration for taking this action to provide some basic benefits for same-sex partners of federal employees and his endorsement of legislation that would provide domestic partner health benefits.

Presidential leadership can be a powerful tool as we work to protect LGBT people under the law and President Obama’s continued leadership is what we need and expect as we move forward.”

Prior to today's ceremony, Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese issued this statement

"Today's Presidential memorandum committing to a federal workplace free from discrimination, including the extension of some benefits to same-sex partners of federal workers, is a welcome and long-overdue step toward bringing the government's policies closer in line with what America's largest companies understand is good for business. Today’s presidential signature is the first brick in paving what is a long path toward equality for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans.

We commend President Obama and his administration for taking this beginning step to level the playing field but we look forward to working with him to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act, overturn 'Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell' and guarantee the entire American workforce is free from discrimination."