Moving Marriage Equality Video with President Obama

This morning I was lucky enough to spend sometime on twitter and happened to catch something that set a great tone for the day. Legalizelove.com has released a very moving video supporting marriage equality. Great shots of various couples in wedding gear but the kicker is the use of President Obama's voice throughout the video. It is really something else to have a President that will speak not just to the LGBT community but will really speak for us as well.

Watch the video here:



LegalizeLove.com: Obama & Gay Couples "Speak with One Voice" On Gay Marriage from LegalizeLove.com on Vimeo.

Chick-Fil-A: Biggest Mega Church in Town

Today I attended a presentation at by Dan Cathy, President of Chick-Fil-A. The presentation was held at Grand Canyon University, which identifies itself as a Christian University. The summary for the presentation on the website said the following, "Grand Canyon University invites you to hear Dan Cathy as he shares his collection of life-lessons and simple, yet powerful reminders that we all have opportunities to lead and impact the lives of others. As leaders you must be constantly looking for new and inspiring ways to add value and clarity of vision to our lives and the lives of others."

I consider myself a leader. It's a label I wear proudly. I will also admit I am a sucker for a good leadership seminar and certainly hearing from a successful businessman could provide for learning opportunities. Plus, it's a free event. Sounds perfect! Except for one thing. Chick-Fil-A has developed a reputation for funding anti-gay organizations. Recent reports show that in 2010 Chick-Fil-A, through its charitable arm WinShape donated nearly $2 million to organizations that are anti-gay. Now I love Chick-Fil-A nuggets but I have chosen not to eat there for quite sometime because of the amount of money given to these organizations.

The event did not disappoint from both a leadership learning perspective and an insight into the philosophy of the company. Dan, as he like to be called, shared with us the companies philosophy,

"To glorify God by being a faithful steward to all that is entrusted to us. To have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-Fil-A."

This statement was met with great applause and enthusiasm. Being held at a Christian University I expected that type of support. Also, since I happen to come in and sit right behind Cathi Herrod, head of the Center for Arizona Policy (the most anti-gay group in Arizona), I had guessed the spin of the presentation. The philosophy sounds great! I'll have an order of that.What a great thing to try and teach employees that they can have a positive impact on every customer's day. Sounds like a great concept for good customer service which is important in the fast food industry. The problem is obviously their donations are not having a positive influence on my family. Their stance on marriage being between one man and one woman keeps my partner and I from protecting our family and gaining all the benefits of a heterosexual couple.

Dan reinforces this concept when he said he counsels young people thinking of going into the ministry to re-think that and become a Chick-Fil-A franchise owner. After all he says,

"The biggest mega church in town is a Chick-Fil-A." 

Dan feels that with each store employing 60-70 young folks working there it's bigger than most youth groups. This way operators of franchises have the opportunity to "preach" values to their employees. The company values that is.

He also shared with us this video that is used during their employee training.






The video is great. Again, what a concept for employees that are providing customer service to think about the fact that they may not know what is going on with each individual they interact with that day. Great training tool. However, it seems that Dan and his family don't extend this concept beyond the face to face interactions with their customers. They don't seem to apply this kind of thinking when looking at causes to champion.

Dan ended the day by addressing something he was very concerned about. Dan commented,

"Society and culture are getting off track. We are going to define marriage between one man and one woman."

The row in front of me went nuts! Cathi Herrod and her clan were clapping and shouting their support with all their might. However, that same excitement was not held by the majority of the room. Again, at the beginning and throughout Dan got cheers and support for his Christian positions. Things like thinking of others, supporting family, being spiritual. However, it seemed that the majority of the crowd was not with him on this. Seems to me more of the Christians in the audience realized it's not their job to judge others. Also, maybe they had listened to him and watched his video and this just didn't seem to fit with his message.

One of my favorite principals is the saying, "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing." Dan and I share a belief in this principal. We also share a belief that family should be a main thing. I just wished that he would focus on his and not try to tell me what defines mine.

I did speak with one of the local owner/operators about his thoughts on the company giving to anti-gay organizations. He was very open and said he really didn't know anything about it and apologized. He said that at his store his policy is to hire the best employees and he could care less about their orientation. He was very sincere and even gave me a number to the corporate office to follow up. I asked if he was able to have any input in which organizations the company donated to and he said he didn't think so since he didn't even know they did and he had been with the company for more than a decade. I told him I missed eating his nuggets and I hope I get to again soon.

Perspective

Perspective, it's an interesting thing. Two days ago the citizens of North Carolina voted to ban gay marriages. The next day President Barack Obama becomes the first sitting President to say that he supports marriage equality. Some say the President came forward a day too late. We won't know if it would have made a difference or not. However, for some the perspective is a state lost. For others the perspective is a country won. What all agree on is that the President did a historic thing in coming out in favor of marriage equality. From some people's perspective his actions might even be considered heroic

Go to today. I helped put together an event for the Human Rights Campaign to benefit the Maryland Marriage Fund to help keep marriage equality in that state. Governor Martin O'Malley was the special guest at the event. Governor O'Malley was able to show incredible leadership in helping to bring marriage equality to his state. Now that its there, he is continuing to lead the fight against a ballot measure to remove it. His conviction to make sure the LGBT community in his state is shown the same dignity and freedoms as anyone else is truly inspiring. I would guess that the perspective of many in the LGBT community in Maryland is that he is a hero.

The person that introduced the Governor was former Arizona State Senator and current candidate for Congress in Arizona, Kyrsten Sinema. Sinema has been a leader in the LGBT community for years and is known for having led the only successful campaign to defeat an anti-LGBT marriage amendment in the country. Her ability to make things happen for the LGBT community in Arizona has been remarkable. I have had the pleasure to work with her on many projects over the years and for me personally, she is a hero. That is my perspective.

So why would someone from Arizona host an event like this? Why send money in a very important election year out of the state? Perspective. It is not likely that Arizona will repeal its constitutional ban on gay marriage. The only way Arizonan's are going to see marriage equality is by enough states having it that the Federal government takes action and the Defense of Marriage Act is repealed. So from our perspective here this is how we bring marriage equality to our state - one state at a time across the country.

So my perspective of heroes this week have been of President Obama, Governor O'Malley and Congressional Candidate Kyrsten Sinema. So it surprised me when I received this post on my Facebook

Perspective. One never knows who is watching and the impact your words and actions have on them. This is not the first time someone has shared this type of sentiment with me. However, each time it catches me off guard. I mean come on, who am I? I am not the President or a Governor. How can I possibly be a hero? Perspective. You see most of the time when I hear this it comes from our youth. While I know that the time I give is not only for myself but to make a difference in the lives of many others, I forget that people actually get that too. I gotta say - it makes all the defeats and struggles worth it. To know that I am giving our youth inspiration and hope is a very humbling experience. It also fuels me to keep going.

The funny thing is from my perspective the youth today are heroes. They are so brave to come out or to be an ally for their friends that do. I can't wait for today's youth to be in the lead and take this fight for equality to a whole other level.

A lot has happened in the last two days. I think I have a new perspective on a few things.

Reality Check from the Five Year Old

My son was goofing around with me the other day. He was in one of his funny moods and just saying all sorts of happy and silly things. Some were correct, some were made up, and others were just plain wrong but there was no convincing him of that. At one point he called Jess (my wife) my daughter. He laughed when he said it so I figured he was being silly so I laughed and said, "No she's not, silly." He came back and was a little more insistent that he was right. He was sounding pretty sure of himself it seemed and I started to second guess that he was kidding. I said, "You are being so silly! She's not my daughter, she is my wife." He looked right at me and said, "No Mommy." I was expecting more silliness but then he said, "She is your partner." 

Jess and I exchanged a glance and agreed with him. "Yes, that too," we answered and that finished the game. It struck a cord in me though. 

Now I know that it's not because he is aware that the law prevents his Mommies from getting married. He hears when introductions are made and we usually use partner more than wife and that  is why he responded that way. However, it was one of the harshest reminders of the reality of our family. 

We are not married, by law. 

Even a five year old knows that. 

Our five year old. 

I know that the Defense of Marriage Act will be repealed one day. I know that marriage equality will come to all 50 states. I believe I will see it happen. Some days the waiting is just harder than others. 

Two Special Voices in New York

On June 24th, New York became the 6th state to pass marriage equality. I'm not going to "report" on the details. If you like you can just Google and read about that. What I do want to bring attention too is one state Senator in particular that voted in favor of marriage equality, Senator Mark Grisanti. 

He was sworn in back in January of this year. It didn't take long for the pressure to ramp up on marriage equality. Here is a brief time line leading up to Friday's vote.

• After Lady Gaga asked concert goers to reach out to Grisanti and ask him to vote yes he responded in a radio interview on March 8, 2011, saying: "Civil unions and all the proponents that go along with that, I have no problem with. I have a problem with the term marriage itself. To me, marriage is between a man and a woman. It's been a term, a term of ours for years that has been around for thousands of years. It's like calling a cat, a dog. I don't think that that needs to be changed."

• On May 17, 2011, it was reported that Grisanti had publicly stated that he would vote "no" on same-sex marriage.

• On June 17, 2011, it was reported that he had changed his position on same-sex marriage to "undecided".

• On June 24, 2011, Grisanti voted in favor of the Marriage Equality Act

What I appreciated most was was his speech on the Senate floor on how he came to this decision. Please take some time and watch his speech below.

The second person I would like to discuss is my Aunt, who is 70+ years old. She has lived in upstate New York on a farm or in a small town her whole life. She always keeps up on state politics and other current events. She had sent me a quick note when the State Assembly passed the marriage equality bill through and that she was sure the Senate would do the same. I was glad at least she was confident. I knew we still had a fight on our hands at the time.

Apparently my Aunt knew what she was talking about because eight days later she was emailing me again. This time it was almost 11pm NY time and marriage equality had just passed the Senate. The subject: We made it in NYS. We'll come back to that.

 Here is the rest of the email

Hi ladies  - as you may have already heard  -   NYS is passing the "equality in marriage'  act this evening  -  job well done!

   Just wish the news folks would refrain from the term "same sex marriage act" -   that doesn't cover nearly any of the principles of this bill and really gives it a negative connotation rather than educating the public on the real need and assets of the bill.

                                                                                    Love A.

Simple right. But let's remember this is from a small town 70+ year old woman...not exactly the best demographic on this issue. What struck me first was that she just gets it. The end. The fact that she really gets it prompted me to post it on my Facebook and Tweet about it. If this 75 year old woman can get it then I know we can make this happen. If we come out, live open, educate people on how this discrimination effects us, we can change hearts and minds. We can do this.

While I got responses I had expected, a bunch of likes, a few re-tweets, etc - I also got a response I didn't expect. It was actually the first response from twitter. Here is the conversation

Let's just say that this conversation made me write a much stronger reply to my Aunt. Something that was probably going to be WOO HOO! turned into this

A.,

Thank you so much for your note. I hope you don't mind but I put it on Facebook. The understanding that you have and the support that you give is something many others in the gay community miss because their family has disowned them. I do not take it for granted and it has meant so much to me as has the support of my parents and many others in the family. The fact that this family never wavered in its support is a true statement to what family means and I believe a true statement about how you all were raised by Gram and Grandpa...to always be there for each other.

So again thanks.

Kathy

So, for me, there were two heroes on that night. One, a Senator that showed true courage by realizing that he might not know everything and seeking to understand all aspects of the issue. The other, a woman who reminded me day to day conversations matter and that I am so lucky to have a family that goes beyond the concept of just being related to each other. I am part of a family that you can count on to be there for you and give you support when needed.

By the way A., I owe you a hug.

Biden Says Marriage is 'Inevitable' - So What?

Image via Wikipedia

Vice President Joe Biden discussed many topics during his appearance on the Today Show. One of the things was the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell and the President stating he is "evolving" on the idea of gay marriage. Biden says the country will inevitably move towards consensus of "gay marriage" like it moved toward consensus on Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

My thoughts on this...big deal. I didn't hear him say the President and I are committed to overturning the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and bringing Marriage Equality to the LGBT community. What I heard is the same thing LGBT activists and even some conservatives have said. As time passes the older generation, which opposes gay marriage the strongest, will be replaced with the younger generation that doesn't seem to have as much of a problem with it.

I agree with Vice President Biden's comparison with the military. It was clear the old soldiers - McCain like age, wanted to keep DADT. However, what the survey the President did showed those actively serving - Irag and Afghanistan vets (younger generation), don't care. Eventually, as the voting population changes marriage equality is something that will happen.

Until I hear that the President is actively working on it I'm not going to jump up and down for anyone in the White House realizing what we have all known - someday it will happen. It's just most of us would like to see it in our lifetime.

I also would like to see more emphasis being put on the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. I feel that until we can protect everyone in the workplace it is difficult for people in certain places to get married. While marriage equality is the wedge issue that is easy for the media to make into the primary issue I think we need to stay focus on what would protect all in our community. After all, marriage equality is inevitable.

Watch the Today Show interview here:

NH GOP Chair Sununu Says Marriage Equality is 'Garbage'

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On April 21st, New Hampshire held a special election for a state Senate seat. After the Republicans won the election the New Hampshire GOP Chair, John Sununu, had quite a bit to say. While telling everyone how wonderful it was going to be to have the newly elected Jeb Bradley in this seat he managed to say what he really thought about the pending gay marriage legislation.

Bradley could be counted on to sustain a [Dem. Gov. John] Lynch veto of the gay marriage and transgender discrimination legislation, "if he (Lynch) finds the strength to veto that garbage," Sununu said.

Thanks John for letting us know that you aren't buying into the new Republican concept that gay marriage might be ok.

The Human Rights Campaign had this response

The Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization, today responded to former Gov. John H. Sununu, who is now Chair of the New Hampshire Republican Party, and his last ditch efforts to derail marriage and transgender anti-discrimination bills pending in the state Senate. Sununu referred to the legislation as “garbage” while speaking to the Union Leader, a New Hampshire-based newspaper.

“To call basic human rights for thousands of New Hampshire residents 'garbage' just shows how out of touch the former governor really is,” said Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese. "Such rhetoric is neither civil nor appropriate, and I hope it galvanizes New Hampshire to move swiftly on both these measures.”

The state Senate is scheduled to hold a public hearing this Thursday, April 23, on HB 415, which would amend existing anti-discrimination and hate crimes laws to include gender identity and expression. The hearing will take place at 1 pm in Room 201 in the Legislative office building. The bill passed the House earlier this month. Allyson Robinson, HRC’s Associate Director for Diversity, testified before a House committee in February.

The state House passed a marriage equality bill in March; it is now pending in the Senate. HB 436, which would provide marriage equality for the state’s LGBT couples. You can take action on both of these bills:http://www.hrcactioncenter.org/campaign/nhmarriagediscrim.

Since 2006, HRC has invested significant staff and financial resources. By working with key political leaders, we helped elect fair-minded majorities in the state house and senate for the first time in over 100 years. In the 2008 election cycle, HRC sent staff members to New Hampshire to help elect U.S. Sen. Jeanne Shaheen and defeat former U.S. Sen. John E. Sununu, his son.

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• New Hampshire House OKs same-sex marriage (cnn.com)

Attempt to Amend Iowa Constitution Blocked

 

Senator Mike Gronstal

Well you knew it would happen. You just knew there would be an attempt to put a constitutional amendment through in Iowa after the State Supreme Court ruled it was legal for gays to marry. However, someone forgot to tell the conservatives that this is not their time.

Without the support of Senate Majority Leader Mike Gronstal, efforts to amend the Iowa Constitution can not move forward in the Senate.

Below is the video of the Senator's response when asked by Senate Minority Leader Paul McKinley of Chariton to co-sponsor a bill. This was on April 6, 2009, the first day the Senate met after the unanimous decision by the Iowa Supreme Court to allow same sex couples to marry. (Transcript is below the video)

Transcript
One of my daughters was in the workplace one day, and her particular workplace at that moment in time, there were a whole bunch of conservative, older men. And those guys were talking about gay marriage. They were talking about discussions going on across the country.

Any my daughter Kate, after listening for about 20 minutes, said to them: You guys dont understand. Youve already lost. My generation doesnt care.

I think I learned something from my daughter that day, when she said that. And Ive talked with other people about it and thats what I see, Senator McKinley. I see a bunch of people that merely want to profess their love for each other, and want state law to recognize that.

Is that so wrong? I dont think thats so wrong. As a matter of fact, last Friday night, I hugged my wife. You know Ive been married for 37 years. I hugged my wife. I felt like our love was just a little more meaningful last Friday night because thousands of other Iowa citizens could hug each other and have the state recognize their love for each other.


No, Senator McKinley, I will not co-sponsor a leadership bill with you.

Iowa Flag is Raised Over the Human Rights Campaign Headquarters in D.C.

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On the day the Iowa Supreme Court ruled that gay and lesbian couples can not be denied to right to marry under state law, the Human Rights Campaign raised the Iowa state flag over their Washington, DC headquarters. HRC National Field Director Marty Rouse and Regional Field Organizer Terry McGuire discuss the significance of the decision for the national movement for marriage equality.

Join the Impact - Nationwide DOMA Protest

Now is the time for us to take action. We need to remember that WE are the movement. We can't wait for others to fight for our equality. We must all take responsibility and act everyday to fight for our rights. The time is now.

The following is taken from the website of Join the Impact which is the group organizing the Nationwide Protest against the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).

On Saturday January 10th, 2009
We ask you to join us in making the LARGEST IMPACT YET!
Let's take our message all the way up the ladder to President Elect Barack Obama himself!

On January 10th, we will come together as one UNITED FRONT asking the LGBTQ community to join us in signing an Open Letter to President Barack Obama, during a NATIONAL DOMA PROTEST.

This letter will remind President Elect Barack Obama of the promises he made to us.
It will also serve as a pledge from our community that we will hold him to his promises and help him achieve them.

We can’t just put a letter online and ask that people sign it.
We need to take to the streets. As we all know…
VISIBILITY IS THE KEY TO EQUALITY!
Outreach & Education Will End Discrimination.
We MUST Infiltrate, to Educate, and Stop Hate!

HERE’S WHAT YOU CAN DO:

• Find out who is organizing a DOMA Protest in your area. (Quick Link to State Page) If there isn't one, then volunteer to organize an event, or organize to collect signatures!
  
• Download the Open Letter and take to the streets to gain signatures.
• Get one million signatures (in total across the nation) by the end of the day on January 10th.
  
• Mail the collected signatures to the JTI clearinghouse address BY DEADLINE: Join The Impact, PO Box 141491, Columbus, OH 43214
  

NOTE:
If you can't organize a protest or one is not organized in your city (understandable with the holidays and all), then don't worry, you can still participate:

• Sign up to organize a carpool in your area that gets everyone to the closest protest
• Get a group of friends together to canvas your neighborhood to get signatures for the open letter.
  

The Point of this event...

... to gather at least one million signatures on an Open Letter to President Barack Obama

to be delivered to him on his first day in office.

The event itself will vary by location depending on organizers availability and local sense of how to best do it. Please make posts below to discuss ideas...

Join Us on January 10th for 1 Million Signatures to Repeal DOMA!