What Can Be Done About Bullying

Last week Oprah discussed a topic that I have been working to prevent for the past 20 years - bullying. On the show were the mothers of, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover and Jaheem Herrera, two 11 year old boys,  that killed themselves because they were called gay, fag, and other types of harassment. 50% of bullying involves this types of bullying. The Supreme Court has included this type of bullying under Sexual Harassment and schools are required to stop it. THEY ARE DOING NOTHING. Watch the interview below.




As a Martial Arts Instructor I see the effects of bullying all the time. The number one mistake we as adults trying to help kids being bullied is to tell them to ignore the bully. Kids need to learn how to stand up with a bully and not look like a victim. This doesn't mean they need to actually hit anyone. They can do this by gaining confidence in themselves, walking with confidence, looking at the bully in the eye and saying in a loud voice that they are DONE taking their crap.

Parents if this is happening to your child instead of saying to the school officials they are bullied, tell them they are also being sexually harassed. Make sure they are aware of that. We need to help school and teachers be able to talk about the harm in using those words in a derogatory manner. Teachers must understand they are breaking the law if they do not follow the sexual harassment policy of the school. We have seen cases were kindergartners have been brought up on sexual harassment charges for things that were never going to lead to suicide. It's time teachers and administrators take this seriously and do their jobs. It's time that we as taxpayers hold them accountable.

HRC Releases New Welcoming Schools Guide To Address Name Calling and Bullying Among Younger Students

With two 11 year old boys committing suicide in recent weeks for being bullied by being called gay I can't think of a more important thing for schools to be looking into. A new program from the Human Rights Campaign is rolling out and will hopefully help schools deal with the problem of bullying that is facing kids in schools across the country.

I spoke with Ellen Kahn, the Director of the Family Project at HRC about this program. Our interview will be featured in Episode 5 of the Thoughts From A Lezzymom Podcast which will be out April 24th.

Here is the press release from the Human Rights Campaign:

WASHINGTON – The Human Rights Campaign Foundation, the nation’s largest lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization, today announced the release of “An Introduction to Welcoming Schools,” a guide aimed at equipping school administrators, classroom teachers, and all other school personnel with knowledge and skills to address bias-based bullying, and to create environments where all students feel safe and affirmed. The announcement comes as the nation grapples with the suicides of two 11-year-old children, both of whom were frequent targets of anti-gay bullying.

“It is absolutely devastating that two children took their own lives in response to chronic bullying at school,” said Human Rights Campaign Foundation Family Project Director Ellen Kahn. “These tragedies point to an epidemic of bullying and name-calling among younger students, as well as a lack of knowledge or responsiveness on the part of school leaders to address these behaviors head on. ‘Welcoming Schools’ will help schools reduce those tensions and teach children to respect differences and not belittle them.”

The subject of school bullying and teasing—particularly harassment that is homophobic in nature—has emerged as a major issue in the wake of the suicides of the two 11-year-olds this month.

On April 6th, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover of Springfield, Mass., hanged himself after a period of prolonged school bullying. Walker-Hoover’s mother says she complained to school leaders multiple times about the abuse her son suffered but was met with inadequate responses. Ten days later, Jaheem Herrera of DeKalb County, Ga., hanged himself. Herrera’s mother says her son was often bullied by other children at Dunaire Elementary School and claims the school administration ignored her complaints about it.

“We know that in these tragedies both boys routinely heard the words ‘gay’ and ‘fag,’ and were harassed in part because they were not perceived as “masculine” enough. We also know that school personnel do not always know how to respond to these kinds of behaviors. ‘Welcoming Schools’ can deliver real results in reducing this type of bullying,” continued Kahn.

“As a mother and teacher, I know some students wake up every morning and dread going to school because they don’t fit the gender norm,” Graciela Slesaransky-Poe, Ph.D., a member of the Welcoming Schools Advisory Board. “They’re harassed because somehow they’re different. What’s so powerful about Welcoming Schools is it helps students and educators alike understand that there are many different ways of being a boy or a girl.”

Originally planned for release later this spring, the ‘Welcoming Schools’ guide is designed for use in elementary schools to help create an inclusive approach to family diversity, name-calling and gender stereotyping. It also offers specific guidance on addressing anti-gay and gender-based name-calling.

HRC is in the second year of a three-year pilot of Welcoming Schools. Preliminary results show that educators want more training to address LGBT issues, as well as other diversity issues, in their schools and that with administrative support, professional development, and community involvement, educators want to tackle these issues with students.

The central goal of Welcoming Schools is to create a respectful learning environment for all students. The nation’s elementary school communities are comprised of diverse children and families, including multiethnic families, single parents, adoptive parents, gay and lesbian parents, immigrants, foster parents, and families headed by grandparents. The Welcoming Schools guide gives educators the tools to open dialogue about all kinds of diversity with students and families. By engaging the entire community, Welcoming Schools offers a comprehensive approach to improving the school climate.

“Educators have an important role in keeping students safe and creating an environment that provides for maximizing every student’s potential for academic success. Welcoming Schools is a valuable resource that can help lay the foundation for addressing these issues in elementary schools,” said Jerald L. Newberry, executive director of the National Education Association Health Information Network.

“An Introduction to Welcoming Schools” can be viewed online at www.welcomingschools.org.

The Human Rights Campaign is America’s largest civil rights organization working to achieve lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality. By inspiring and engaging all Americans, HRC strives to end discrimination against LGBT citizens and realize a nation that achieves fundamental fairness and equality for all.

Day of Silence - Stop the Bullying

Bullying is a huge problem in America today. One of the most recent stories is of 11 year old Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover. He was bullied daily which included being called gay and being told he acted like a girl. Carl ended up taking his life by hanging himself with an extension cord.

Carl would have turned 12 today which just so happens to be the annual Day of Silence held by the Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network (GLSEN). The Day of Silence is a student-led national event that brings attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools. Students from middle school to college take some form of a vow of silence in an effort to encourage schools and classmates to address the problem of anti-LGBT behavior. The event is designed to illustrate the silencing effect of this bullying and harassment on LGBT students and those perceived to be LGBT.

Here is a video with Lance Bass talking about the Day of Silence



The interesting thing about bullies are they function on fear and thinking the victim will remain quiet. Most of what is talked about is the bullying done by children. However, since the election and all the coverage of Prop 8 interesting things have happened.

Instead of the gays being silent we have taken to the street. We have said, "Enough!" We have begun to demand our equality. Interestingly enough in the wake of the huge loss in California, gay marriage has seen huge wins in the last month alone. This includes Vermont becoming the first state to legalize marriage through the legislature and not by a court decision.

So what does this do to the bully? Just when the bully thinks his victim is beaten down so much he sees that maybe there is some strength left. So he does this....

James Dobson, former leader of Focus on the Family, starts a website to counter the Day of Silence. The site is called True Tolerance. The site encourages parents to fight the schools and try to shut down the events. The site is pure bullying. Filled with lies and playing on fear to motivate others to join in the bullying.

Then there is this video.



And of course the video by the queen of bullying, Maggie Gallager - President of the National Organization for Marriage.




Just looking at the website by Dobson and these videos it becomes clear to me why we have such a bullying problem in our schools. If these are the examples kids are getting then we have a very long road ahead of us to try and fix the bullying problem in America.

Before the 2008 Day of Silence Lawrence King, a 15 year old, was shot and killed by a classmate because he was gay. This year Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover killed himself for being called gay. Clearly the grownups have not figured out that their actions and words have consequences.

The children are watching. Please, adults - Maggie and James that means you, stop the bullying. It really is hurting our families and our children.